Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
