U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
