why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
