Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
