Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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