First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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