BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
