So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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