Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
