Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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