We won't sleep together?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
