We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you didnt know i had herpes?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
