i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
