there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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