Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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