Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
