So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
