i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
