OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
