It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
