Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
