Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
