Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
