I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do vagina's smell?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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