I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
