So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
