He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
