The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I need a beard to bite.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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