I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
