the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
