The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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