If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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