Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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