just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Randomize
