I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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