After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
