i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
