I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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