i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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