Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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