I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
