I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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