so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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