yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
