my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
