Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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