I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
