If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
