wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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