I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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