Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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