ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
