I faked an abortion last night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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