Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
