apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
