our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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